Tag Archives: moving on

Why I Decided To Cut My Hair

I’ve been asked serval times about what made me wanna cut my hair. Well the answer is pretty simple…it’s hot outside. I don’t think anyone understands Alabama weather, but it’s basically a living hell here in the summer. But it’s not all the temperature that gets to you, it’s the humidity. It can be 83F and it feels like 100F.
There are days where I miss my long hair. I look back at pictures and a little, tiny feeling of regret comes to mind. Then Florence +The Machine comes on the radio and reminds me to “shake it off, shake it off.”
So there you have it, the reason why I cut my hair.

You’re probably wondering…”that’s it??”

Okay I’ll give some real reasons why I truly did cut my hair. Hope you enjoy and hope it may encourage someone out there!

1) My dad: Okay this is a family reason why. Growing up, my dad had me playing soccer. I remember as a kid I was crazy about my bangs and long hair, especially after seeing The Little Mermaid everyday, nonstop. I seriously thought my dad wanted me to be a boy because one day he told me to cut it all off. He said I should do that because I’ll look better. So you’re saying I look ugly right now dad? Okay! Even years later, there I was at the age of 20 and he kept telling me to chop it off….let’s just say, that when I came home with barely no hair, my dad smiled and said, “I can’t believe you did it. I TOLD YOUUUU IT LOOKED GOOD!” Okay dad gotta give it to you, you were right. I don’t think you understand how much it means to a girl when their dad says they look beautiful.

2) Vanessa Hudgens: Now we all have an a movie star we admire. Vanessa Hudgens happens to mine. When she premiered in her new movie Gimme Shelter I noticed she had cut her hair. Now I didn’t do it because she did it. Rather I decided to do it because I saw that it didn’t look so bad on her and I thought, maybe it wouldn’t look so bad on me either (no I don’t look nothing like her either. Don’t get your hopes up guys). I remember around Christmas time I showed all my friends and they agreed it wouldn’t look bad. Well chop chop chopping away I went.

3) Being single: Don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship is wonderful. But no matter how close I was to the last guy I dated, I always felt insecure about my appearance. I remember talking to him about chopping my hair off and he said it would be okay, BUT that it wouldn’t fit with my face. Tevs. Breakups aren’t fun, and no I didn’t do it because we broke up. I mean it had been almost a year later when I cut my hair. The point I’m trying to get across is that I let someone else’s (someone I loved) opinion get in the way. I thought he was right. Then I thought, dad always knows best. So a year later, I let go of all of those insecurities I had when I was dating and just chopped my hair off. There’s this rewarding feeling you get when you do something out of the ordinary once you’re single. Like you’ve been set free to do whatever you want.

4) Soon enough the right one will come: So the last guy didn’t think it would look good, but I know the right one will love it. There’s something about guys that they prefer long hair. Maybe it’s because the girl looks more feminine and it’s just the way it should be. Or they don’t like it because they don’t have no hair to play with when it’s short. I don’t know. But I know that out of all the guys, there will be one who won’t care if you have long or short hair, and will still find you beautiful just the way you are.

5) Its easier: This is probably one of the top reasons why I cut it. When my hair was long, I didn’t know what to do with it. I would spend more time fixing it, than I would going out. Now that it’s short, I just blow dry this bad boy and walk out the door.

6) Nursing school: Ponytails give me headaches. Going into nursing school, I figured since my hair had to be up, why not just cut it for nursing lab.

7) Confidence: All my life, I struggled with low self esteem. I never felt pretty, I never believed in myself, and I never could let go of any insecurities. After hearing my dad for many times telling me to cut my hair, breaking up, and getting tired of fixing my hair, I thought why not listen to nike and just do it. I remember as if it was just yesterday, I was at old navy talking to a good friend of mine. I was tired of all the negativity in my life and I remember telling her that I was going to ulta next door to chop off all the negativity. When I said that she responded saying if I did I could no longer be sad and I have to let go of the past. Once my hair was gone I felt free. Not saying it gave me the power to overcome my fears, but the moment i did something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, I felt free. I was able to look in the mirror with my chin up and say, I’m beautiful. I was able to not care what others thought. And not only that but I believed I was beautiful enough to where I no longer put on make up like I use to.

8) Change: I wanted to change. I wanted to feel brand new. I wanted to look at myself now and say “wow my life has changed.” I wanted to be able to say I look different. I just wanted change. And boy did a lot change. And I’m thankful.

You’ll be surprised at the amount of compliments I’ve gotten. Yes I was nervous when I got it, and I worried what some will think. But I guess that’s what happens when you turn twenty. You sort of stop caring. So to all the girls out there who wish to cut their hair, try it. The worse that can happen is that it won’t look good. But 10 times out of 10 it does. Don’t believe what that little voice in your head said. In fact don’t believe what others will say. You are your own person, and it’s important that you express that to others. If you wanna dye your hair, do it, if you wanna cut it, do it. If you wanna just leave it the same, then do that too. But whenever your mind tells you something it wants do it and don’t listen to your “what if’s.” Don’t let your decisions be an itch your trying not to scratch. That can get uncomfortable sometimes.

Audrey Hepburn once said

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

Little Mexico

Nothing. She drank to think about nothing. Yet there was so much on her mind. Like the sound of frogs and how they sang through the night. Are they happy it rain or enjoy bothering me?
Or the way the green apple soared through my veins. Does it always feel this good or am I just happy to let go of every feeling?
Feelings…I thought those were gone but they have a way creeping back to my cranium. Every neuron spark and every loss memory was found..excuse me little Mexico has to take a shot…

That was nasty, like tasting medical alcohol. I wonder if that’s what people in rehab drink when they’re suppose to be sober?
Rehab. A medical center for the abusers. Do we really learn to have self control. Or do we just act that way so people can leave us alone?

Can You Pass Me the Remote?

And in complete silence, he casually got dressed, as if she wasn’t there – ignoring the petty soul sitting across the room.

She never planned for an instantaneous afternoon. She knew very well she didn’t love him, and she knew he didn’t love her. But, oh, how badly she wanted to tell him she was overwhelmed, she was lonely, and she still had some feelings and cared for him. After months of letting go, she didn’t understand what was happening to her at that very moment. Deep down she wanted to know what he felt.

His eyes met her briefly across the room.

Casually she said, “Can you pass me the remote?”

Vampire Weekend

“A man of faith said hidden eyes could see what I was thinking.”

Feelings were real. No doubt I fell for you.
But a future together was as hopeless as the lost souls on Venice beach.
So I stopped dreaming.
You told me about your sleepless nights and how you over thought a lot of things when she broke your heart.
Little did I know you were foreshadowing what was yet to come in my life.
I can’t seem to see beyond these walls.
I only think of early evenings we spent together in the fall.
Some days I’ll sit, waiting patiently for you to walk through those doors, while I eat red velvet.
Other days I wait on a simple text about some concert because no one wants to go with you.
Hannah Hunt takes me back to the first night and I listen carefully for the hundredth time.
There was something in those lyrics you explained to me that I didn’t understand till now.

“Though we live on the US dollar, you and me we got our own sense of time”

That relationship was over.

If only it was fate, the timing would have been right.

Spring break

You’re there…
Every where I go.
The moons a reminder you’re nearby, yet so far away.
The breeze blankets my soul with cool air and I can’t help to think of the day I became bitter.
The stars are reminders of the memories we made.
The sea’s a reminder of my endless love for you.
It connects even the most corrupt continents. But distance became they’re biggest enemy.
I don’t know if you think about me the way I think about you.
Since there’s not a written novel about me, I guess not.

I fell in deep, deep love with you before.
But tonight. Tonight I fell out of it.

Peaceful Mornings

Your thoughts can be your worse enemy when you’re trying to sleep.
They can be multiple unanswered phone calls you regret in the morning.
They can make you anxious for a new day so you can start all over again.
They can make you weak. Very, very weak.
Slowly they kill you through the middle of the night, taking away every precious second from your sleep.
A second that you’ll never get back.
They come crashing into your mind like waves crashing against the shore.
They control your every emotion no matter how hard you resist.
There’s no escape.
Theres no silence, except for the silence that surrounds you in your room.

My nights are now days. As the sun rises they fall asleep. As the sun begins to set, they wake.
People ask me why I am up so early

“The earlier I wake, the quieter my thoughts are. And everything just seems to be at peace.”

Ladder to Normalcy

Incase you were wondering, I’m still alive. Or well at least I think I am. I mean last time I checked I was able to grab door knobs and pick stuff up without my hands going through a certain object. That counts as being alive, right?

Last night I got a call from my cousin who lives in Cali. Of course she calls me when I’m about to go to sleep. Poor girl forgot the time difference. I was so impatient with her because she was crying and I could not understand a single word coming out of her mouth. I really wanted to say goodnight and bye, but since I was already awake, I decided to just wait till she got her composure back.
It took about five minutes for her to finally say hey. Five minutes for a simple hey. Five LOOOOOONG minutes. It felt like five hours you guys!

Now I’m over here wondering what is wrong with this girl. And yes I think the worse.
Is she pregnant? Did she finally decide to drop out of school? Did her mom kick her out? Omg what is it?

“Me and my boyfriend just broke up.”

Really?

“I’m sorry.” I tell her.
“What should I do?” She asked.

Stop caring…move on.

I don’t know why I gave her that advice when I myself couldn’t take it for a year and a half.
(Yes I wasted a year and a half trying to fix something that was broken. And when I say broken I don’t mean the relationship.)

16 hours later, I find myself sitting in the kitchen, eating lunch and thinking about how I’m gonna pass my exam on Friday and do well for my Nursing interview. I look at my phone and start deleting text messages from weeks before and notice the last time I talked to my ex. He texted me to ask about the lymphatic system…

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Yeah..random. But I notice another thing as I was finally deleting my past: it didn’t hurt. Remember how I told you I wasted a year and a half trying to fix something that was broken? That something was me. I wasted a year trying to fix me by persuading myself that being with him was the solution to all my broken bones and scars. Little did I know that being in that relationship was the cause of all the problems. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him. And I’m sure he loved me too. But the insecurity, the doubtful moments, and selfish mentality was slowly diminishing ever ounce of love I had in my heart.

From December till about a week ago, I was the most bitter girl you would ever meet. I hated the whole lovey dovey stuff I saw on Instagram and Twitter.
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I just wanted to yell FUCK YOU at every couple I saw. I was almost like Joseph-Gordon Levitt on 500 Days of Summer…
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I even told some of my friends to break up with their boyfriends. I was cold. And mean. Really mean.

Now as I’m writing you guys this blog I’m trying to call my cousin back because I realize there’s more than just stop caring…and moving on
But I forgot about the time difference myself and she’s currently in class.

Breaking up is not fun. It’s not easy. You go from talking to that significant other to total silence in less than a minute after they say “it’s over.”
You begin to miss those simple dates. You miss those sweet gifts. You miss being with them when you’re around your friends. You miss it all. It’s to the point where you start to feel like shit on a Friday night, while watching Modern Family.

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Ok yeah I feel lonely but the show cracks me up

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But if there is one thing I learn from this whole “breakup experience” it’s that it will all get better. I know…cliche…but it’s true. It’s hard to see it at first, but routine will get you climbing back on that ladder to normalcy.

So I decide to make a list on
how to get over a break up
Hopefully it helps anyone

1. Music
And not just music you hear on the radio, but your music. Bring back some old songs you listened to growing up! The other night I stayed up listening to some Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, S-Club 7 (someone please tell me they remember this group), Nsync, and more. Lyrics always have a way of knowing your life problems. They understand where you’re coming from

2. Go out
Please do not be like me.
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For a long time I did not want to go out with anyone. It got to the point where I told people I was studying, or I was busy doing something when really I was in bed complaining about my life. You’re human. You were made to be social! BE SOCIAL. GO OUT! HAVE FUN!!!!

3.Pick up a hobby
So I have about a billion hobbies, because it’s so hard to stick to one. I play piano (well i only know one song Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven), I scrapbook (only when I have enough money for scrapbook stuff), I sew (well I try), and I read (more like take naps). Ok so hobbies is not my strong suit but if there’s something you’re good at, do it! It’ll occupy your mind!

4. Workout
The last thing you want to do is look like a “grenade”when you run into your ex. Join a crossfit or go to planet fitness. Do yoga! I promise you’ll love it!! Not only will your ex be jealous (honestly they probably won’t care) but you’ll be so focused on your body, that they will barely cross your mind.

5. Be spontaneous
I pray for whatever soul takes me seriously, but go out and conquer your fears. Go skydiving, swim with the sharks, buy a pet snake, do something you never imagined doing. Lol! Go on spontaneous trips. Don’t plan anything, just do it. You’ll be surprise how easily you’ll forget the past, and start living in the present.

6. Don’t be scared to date again
This is a toughy because you see yourself moving on and you wonder if the other person still wants you back. So you hold yourself back from going on a date with someone. (If this is not you then please go on more dates) I still have a little trouble with this one but just remember, it’s two people hanging out. Now if it gets a little “hot and steamy” at the end, you might wanna slow it down a notch. Just saying. Don’t wanna rush into something
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6a.Be careful who you date
Just to add a little something to number 6, please be careful who you go on a date with… If you find your ex’s friend attractive and want to date their friend, just be careful. Because it can it will get confusing. Trust me. I’m still trying to figure this one out myself. So heads up. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Be careful who you date

7. Be happy. Stop saying you’re forever alone
A lot of the times we tell ourselves we’re gonna be forever alone and live with 29 cats. well keep telling yourself that, and you just might appear on the TLC channel as the Cat Lady. (Or do they already have a documentary about one on tv?) But please just stop!
And be happy! Live your life! Live life like a two year old: freely, energetically, and enthusiastically

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8. Lose yourself to a tv series
My favorites:
Modern family
Dexter
Broad City
Workaholics
Parks and Rec
Just find a show to help you escape from reality

9. Trust God
Everything happens for a reason. What’s the reason they broke up with you? Because God has something better in store for you! We have a way of rushing things because we want it now! But that’s not how He works with you. The best things come to those who wait! Work around Gods timing and you’ll see how much He will bless you with!